Posted by: tlnemethy | November 13, 2012

Airport Woes

I have done a ton of stupid stuff at the airport, mostly because I’ve done stupid stuff pretty much anywhere I’ve ever been. It’s just part of my personality, and my inability to get embarrassed at the threshold of normal individuals. Seriously, flashing a little too much skin on a blowup obstacle course in high school wasn’t half as embarrassing as me getting my arm trapped in my jacket sleeve (coincidentally also in high school). Nudity vs. Dumb-Assery. Which would get your goat?

Sure, I could write an entire list of things not to do at an airport and narrate it with funny anecdotes of when that happened to me or whatever, but I find the YouTube sensation of Jenna Marbles to explain at least a portion of airport etiquette in so much more of a fascinating manner. Queue HILARIOUS video.

I can understand the whole dress code of an airport. I know that on travel days I always wear my bulkier items so I limit what I have to carry in my backpack. This doesn’t necessarily float when considering the whole body scan, shoe-removing, conveyor belt of doom scenario the airport has planned out for travelers, so adjustments must be made. Never wear a hoodie without a shirt underneath. The TSA wants you to remove it anyways, which makes for an embarrassing, “you’re just gonna have to take me to that special room or wand me down” conversation.  I might have had an experience of the sort. Belts are a no-go, as is pocket change, cellphones, whatever. Just take everything from your pockets and dump it in your shoes in that awesome plastic tray. I don’t know many thieves, but reaching into a steaming shoe in the hopes of finding a valuable is something I wouldn’t risk.

I once, on my first solo flight, went through the metal detector with a back brace on. Completely forgot that sucker was there. The guy waving people through was very adorable and I was hoping to not make a fool of myself, but of course my life doesn’t run according to plans. The machine beeped and he sent me through again as I patted my pockets for any loose change. It beeped again and I had that aha moment in which I remembered the brace. I blushed and told him I had it on, but that if it was a problem I could take it off. I ended up awkwardly turtling my arms under my shirt to un-velcro the bugger while there was a huge line of people behind me. Super sexy. I went through the detector again, burning up in shame. BeeeeeeEEEEp. WTF. Then I looked down and saw my huge metal belt buckle. Let’s just say I was embarrassed enough to never wear a belt to the airport again and it seems like I’m still trying to make my security checkpoint lines as smooth as possible because of it.

Don’t be an antagonizer at the airport. Seriously. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and its both embarrassing and infuriating. Prepare. Take that laptop out, separate your miniature liquids in a Ziploc, and don’t chug an entire bottle of anything right in front of the TSA either. Its suspicious and they will pull you aside for extra screening, especially when you look pained to drink the entirety in such a short period of time.

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Posted by: tlnemethy | November 8, 2012

Protocol:Airport

Have you ever stood in line at the airport and watched a family obviously going on their annual vacation? I love watching them because I’m mesmerized with how much stuff they could possibly need for a week-long trip. Well, kids need a lot more stuff because they’re messy or need to be “entertained.” False. I don’t think you need any more stuff for kids older than wearing diapers. Babies, sure you need bottles and changes of clothes and diapers and car seats, etc. After diapers end, so should the excessive packing. Though, I do find those little rolling animal bags adorable when I see them trailing a child.

Don’t do it. Don’t succumb and buy those adorable suitcases for your grinning mini- me. Chances are they won’t outlast your child’s youth or hold anything because miniature you cannot bear to carry the weight of anything more than a snack and an electronic device. Seriously. If they come in my size I will buy it and love it and use it until the zippers give out. But what child is going to be in love with Spongebob or Superman or even a bumblebee forever? Kids change their minds and what they proudly sport one trip may not be even remotely desirable on the next.

Pack light. Pack essentials. Seriously. I’m a grown ass woman and I can fit all my gear for A MONTH in a decent sized backpack that will STILL fit under an airplane seat. The most common source of frustration I’ve witnessed in airports in due to luggage being lost, late, overweight, or even having way too much for each person to carry. Don’t plan on using carts: they are a hassle, and damned if they don’t cost money as well. Not only does checking the extra suck, but when you have a handful of bags and are looking for a boarding pass or ID you can occasionally look at the pile near your feet completely at a loss of where to start searching.

A vacation is a vacation. Yet more people get stressed on the two travel days involved than get a complete relaxation effect while lounging on a beach. Why set yourself up for a loss? Pack a sturdy bag that you can carry with you because there’s nothing worse than getting to Bermuda and realizing your luggage was sent to Seattle instead. “Well, I’m sure the sun can kiss my skin through my jeans and long sleeve too.” Said no one ever. When traveling, Ziplocs are your friend whether for your important travel documents or those dripping bottles of gel and shampoo. Separate and conquer. TSA loves when you actually know what you’re doing because then they don’t have to repeat the same phrase over and over, directing it to an individual rather than the crowd. And for those of you who get patted down no matter what (I raise my hand enthusiastically), I’ll be detailing proper airport security protocol next.

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Posted by: tlnemethy | November 4, 2012

Busy Bee

This last week has been a blur of events and moments that haven’t happened to me since leaving Alaska. I, like many people, have been applying to various work postings like a fiend. The application process is thrilling, yet oh so boring at times. The idea of finally putting my degree to use is so exciting that I get stoked just seeing a job ad with the words “writer.” Doesn’t matter what type of writing, really I love any genre that utilizes letters. Of course, the ads that sometimes catch my eye are flashy and appeal to my ambitiously creative persona, job ads that boast tales of freedom in the work place, ability to pitch your own ideas or find your own niche. But then I think of all those forgotten postings that very well could offer the same opportunities, but in time.

Why work in an environment that is doing well on its own? Where’s the job security or the appreciation for doing a job that’s already been done by different hands? Sure, these jobs offer the benefits of learning from experienced writers and soaking up their own personal brand of stylistic writing, but branching out seems so much more me. Don’t get me wrong, they both offer great and wonderful opportunities, especially for getting your foot in the door. But, why choose the prestige when you can help create it?

I have things to learn. I hope that I never stop seeking out the upgrades to the software of myself, that I never sit complacently in a job I’ve done for years without trying to find new ways to communicate. I have high hopes. The world has yet to stomp on them, sure they’ve been nipped and scuffed, and they emerge a little tattered but completely without a loss. We wind up misshapen and deformed, but tenderized and all the sweeter. Work has a way of roughing people up and making them regret the paths they’ve chosen, but I can’t see that happening to me. Call me naive or an optimist, or whatever, but I have high hopes for my own future and because of that I might add a little spark to the words that I write. Better qualified candidates will always exist, but technology can be learned and skills can be trained for. Drive and personality are much harder to obtain.

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