Posted by: tlnemethy | November 13, 2012

Airport Woes

I have done a ton of stupid stuff at the airport, mostly because I’ve done stupid stuff pretty much anywhere I’ve ever been. It’s just part of my personality, and my inability to get embarrassed at the threshold of normal individuals. Seriously, flashing a little too much skin on a blowup obstacle course in high school wasn’t half as embarrassing as me getting my arm trapped in my jacket sleeve (coincidentally also in high school). Nudity vs. Dumb-Assery. Which would get your goat?

Sure, I could write an entire list of things not to do at an airport and narrate it with funny anecdotes of when that happened to me or whatever, but I find the YouTube sensation of Jenna Marbles to explain at least a portion of airport etiquette in so much more of a fascinating manner. Queue HILARIOUS video.

I can understand the whole dress code of an airport. I know that on travel days I always wear my bulkier items so I limit what I have to carry in my backpack. This doesn’t necessarily float when considering the whole body scan, shoe-removing, conveyor belt of doom scenario the airport has planned out for travelers, so adjustments must be made. Never wear a hoodie without a shirt underneath. The TSA wants you to remove it anyways, which makes for an embarrassing, “you’re just gonna have to take me to that special room or wand me down” conversation.  I might have had an experience of the sort. Belts are a no-go, as is pocket change, cellphones, whatever. Just take everything from your pockets and dump it in your shoes in that awesome plastic tray. I don’t know many thieves, but reaching into a steaming shoe in the hopes of finding a valuable is something I wouldn’t risk.

I once, on my first solo flight, went through the metal detector with a back brace on. Completely forgot that sucker was there. The guy waving people through was very adorable and I was hoping to not make a fool of myself, but of course my life doesn’t run according to plans. The machine beeped and he sent me through again as I patted my pockets for any loose change. It beeped again and I had that aha moment in which I remembered the brace. I blushed and told him I had it on, but that if it was a problem I could take it off. I ended up awkwardly turtling my arms under my shirt to un-velcro the bugger while there was a huge line of people behind me. Super sexy. I went through the detector again, burning up in shame. BeeeeeeEEEEp. WTF. Then I looked down and saw my huge metal belt buckle. Let’s just say I was embarrassed enough to never wear a belt to the airport again and it seems like I’m still trying to make my security checkpoint lines as smooth as possible because of it.

Don’t be an antagonizer at the airport. Seriously. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and its both embarrassing and infuriating. Prepare. Take that laptop out, separate your miniature liquids in a Ziploc, and don’t chug an entire bottle of anything right in front of the TSA either. Its suspicious and they will pull you aside for extra screening, especially when you look pained to drink the entirety in such a short period of time.

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