Posted by: tlnemethy | May 31, 2012

Housekeepers are like Hand Grenades

Housekeepers are like hand grenades. They are constantly ticking away just a single moment from taking off your fingers. We are an undisputedly unappreciated group that deals with strange horrors on a daily basis. Yet, for being such a constant part of a war-zone, we have all developed intriguing and brash senses of humor. Similar to when men fart in groups, we invite one another to share in the oddities or absurdities we find while cleaning and tidying. You can be two bedrooms away from another housekeeper, only to hear her say, “Ew” and come running instantly. Of course, you play it off like you’re being forced to witness such atrocities, but realistically you are just trying to one up each other with the gross factor.

I may find stained sheets and call someone over, which means they have to pull a hair plug out of the sink and shake it around the bathroom. This game keeps things from getting old, but at the same time, I find my lady-like behaviors deteriorating for something more rugged and callous. It is at once freeing and terrifying. To follow is a top five list of the things housekeepers appreciate being tipped with:

  • Money. This is always welcome. Especially when we had to fold your old man drawers and pretend not to see the skiddies.
  • Food. I love receiving random gifts of food. Twizzlers have been a hit this year, although I have also accepted unpopped popcorn, a half eaten pizza, and almost, the makings of a bologna sandwich.
  • Beverages. People just love to leave booze. Unfortunately, all booze left here must be turned over to El Jefe pronto, to be divvied up behind the scenes.
  • Toiletries. I don’t know if many of you have ever been to Sitka, but it is damn expensive here. Please feel free to leave your shampoos and shaving cremes. The lodge staff would be a grimy bunch otherwise.
  • Plane tickets elsewhere. I have yet to receive this one, but I can only hope that it gets left for me soon. 

Gifts like these help housekeepers forget they had to touch your KY jelly or unplug your clogged toilet. Don’t forget about them when they clearly rearranged your room while you were away.

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