Sitka or Bust: Commute The World

I have a problem with accepting things that are given freely. I know, I know. Take it like a man. I guess it just brings up those feelings of inadequacies that harbor deep within. I want to be able to take care of myself, I want people to see me as if I was self-sufficient. Taking handouts is just against the grain. Maybe I’m just stubborn. That wouldn’t be the first time I’d had the realization, you know.

I’d rather be that person who skimps on stuff to get by than the person who depends on the casual generosity of others. Probably one of the many reasons my dating history is so lame. Dudes, you will not be paying for my meal. I take care of myself. If for that odd chance I do let you pay, you should know that I am not ordering what I might have ordered otherwise. I am ordering something that has a tasty price rather than a delicious food value. It’s just how I am. Get over it.

There are a lot of set standards that I live my life by. Just as I don’t readily accept handouts, I try not to surprise people. I won’t be showing up at your house unannounced, at least not until we are exceptionally great friends or even relatives. It’s kind of like inviting yourself to something without knowing if you are really wanted. Bad choice. Callous, really.

I’m a hypocrite, though. I can understand that. While I’d rather not accept anything from anyone, I do love to treat people. I don’t know how many tabs I’ve picked up over the years, or how many invitations I’ve extended to my friends. It’s been quite a few. But still I shy away from the expectation that someone else will pick up my slack.

These days, I think a decent bit of the population actually expects to be helped out. It isn’t so much a kindness extended, but more so a necessity or obligation. There’s nothing that pisses me off more than the person who expects me to pay for something. While my hand may already have been reaching for my credit card, that would get placed back in its pocket until an awkward standoff over the bill ensues. Arguing isn’t worth it. Generosity is an option, but it definitely doesn’t need to be utilized on every occasion. For those who have been extremely generous to me, thanks are due. I don’t express my emotions very well in the moment. Sure, I say thanks, but really the gratitude goes so much deeper.