Posted by: tlnemethy | April 22, 2013

Bargain Bin

You know it’s a terrible feeling when you buy a bag of discounted candy on break at work, only to return to work and have the same bag come through your line marked down even further. Like to a single candy bar price rather than a hodgepodge of is this worth the money versus I get a company discount feelings. I’ve become a scavenger at work, praying on the unsuspecting bargains huddled on teetering shelves in populated aisles. It’s actually mildly disturbing how my brain functions at work.

Oh there goes a thick winter coat for next year. Did that tag really say $2.99? Dafuq. Want. Too bad it’s for a man. But a bargain like that deserves to be bought. Kudos to you, bargain hunter.

Is that a pair of soft yoga pants for $4.00? I’d start doing yoga if I owned those pants. Seriously. It might be a great investment as my frail body possesses the joint structures of a bed-ridden geriatric.

What? That seat cover would look friggen amazing in Squirtle. I think she needs some butterflies on the interior to brighten her upholstery a bit, maybe cheer it up a little so dashboard Jesus doesn’t just have to look at cracked leather.

That reminds me: I should start buying doll clothes in holiday prints for dashboard Jesus. He’d look dapper in a leprechaun suit and bowler cap for St. Patty’s day or a miniature wizard cap for Halloween; he’s already set for Easter.

So this morning, I woke up and went to the kitchen where the remnants of that bag of candy sat, just waiting to be devoured. They’re minis of kitkats and Hershey’s bars and Reese’s cups, but of course what was left was mostly the plain old chocolate bars. I grabbed a few and watched the latest episode of Vampire Diaries while I came up with a brilliant breakfast scheme. Mind you, at this time I was pretty much junk fooded-out, so I decided to nuke half a chicken breast with a slice of American cheese. Deliciously healthy, right? Not quite. Protein is good for breakfast though, or at least following my thought process.

A few hours later I decided to make a snack to bring upstairs while I was online. There was that bag of bargain candy again. My eyes caught the expiration date: 4/2013. Gosh, they’re about to expire. I really must save them from that stage of inedible. My brain starts cranking into overdrive and I start rummaging in cupboards to make my snack more intriguing and less of a sad hoarder bringing candy to bed. Graham crackers and marshmallows later, I make a couple s’mores. But not just any s’mores mind you, I made Reese’s cup s’mores and although the chocolate pretty much dripped out of the sandwich, the peanut butter middle was a delightful surprise.

God help me if I eyeball another bag of candy or I’ll turn into my hoarding boss who stores nothing but candy in her freezer. Her daughter complains that there’s never any food in the house with any nutritional value. But hey, when a bargain catches your eye, sometimes you just have to pull out that employee discount card and hustle to the stock you’ve hidden behind rows of Captain Crunch.

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