Posted by: tlnemethy | October 1, 2012

Fair Animals: Not Necessarily Happy Animals

We already know how much I love fair food, but the animals are really the biggest draw point for getting my lazy ass out of bed on a weekend and walking around outside. Trust me. If I was invited to a root canal party I’d politely decline, but hey, if there was even the slightest chance that a puppy was going to be there I would put on my outside-the-house clothes and get my butt to that root canal party. It doesn’t even have to be a cute animal either, so long as it isn’t a spider I’m game to just sit and look at that critter all day. Fairs allow me to do just that.

Now, since fairs are generally the busiest on the weekends I can rarely squeeze through the crowds of strollers to reach my hand through the slats on the horse stalls without having to smack away a few children. Because I’m relatively polite, I DON’T smack away children, but instead stand back and watch how excited they get when the cow blows straw at them, or the horse thumps itself against the slats to relieve an itch. I am living through their excitement. And, although I may roll my eyes when a child tries to feed them a jolly rancher or gets startled when they make noise, it’s all in good fun.

Forget the camel rides or the “zoos,” I go straight for the horse barns and the dairy cows. Dairy cows are so slow and gentle looking that you can often give em a pat as you walk by. And for some reason, the black and white ones seem to be the most popular with the children, so I can spend most of my time alone near the BEAUTIFUL brown ones like the Jersey’s and the Guernsey’s. There is just something so placid in their eyes. The black and white ones have creepy eyes that make me think they are being squeezed, but the brown ones just look like Puss in Boot’s eyes in Shrek. You know what I mean? Soulful eyes with long eyelashes. You can’t help but look at them and fall in love.

I don’t know how happy farm animals are, but they just look kind of miserable. And really who wouldn’t if you were tied to a wall right next to a cow you’d been feuding with for months? Who wouldn’t hate dying of heat and fly bites, fending off the awkward hands of children and their dumb parents who aren’t watching them?

At least the ones in the barns are supposed to be more interesting than the ones that are for kiddie rides. Gah. Kiddie rides. I wouldn’t want that job. You always see those poor miniature horses tied to that carousel of torment under the big top tent and they just wait, head down, like Eeyore. Please someone give them some Paxil.

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