Sitka or Bust: Commute The World

Anyways. I’m roasting to death in the middle of a slow motion mosh pit and my group of friends and I are totally trying to stay close together so we don’t get separated. Of course, I’m always the last in line, and as one of the shortest I can’t see over my own friends, let alone the ogre of a man standing in front of all of us. Oh well. It’s the concert experience, or so they tell me. We’ve already listened to a few “underling” bands and I have no idea what I’m doing, but I start singing along if I can decipher the lyrical codes. Finally, the band before Neon Trees sings a cover of Talking Heads’ Burning Down the House. I know these words. I’m busting out the lyrics and my friend turns to me completely blown away that I know the words to some random band from the fringes of musical awareness.

I just shrug my shoulders because it is way too noisy to explain the situation to her. Every now and then I just lean forward and shout, “burning down the house” into her ears. Being respected for musical knowledge has never been a strong suit of mine so I take the credit when I can. I’m waiting for Neon Trees to play the only two songs that I know, but they just keep toying with me. The lead singer always introduces the songs with a weird little anecdote that acts as a clue for the die-hard fans. All I can do is internally scratch my head and plaster a smile on my face if my friends ever turn to look at how amazing my reaction should be.

I’m mentally calculating how long they could possibly be on stage. Well, if a song is averaging four minutes and they need to be off stage at 11:30 max, then they should only have time for like 10 songs. One down. That wasn’t too bad. Didn’t really like the song, but you can’t like them all. Two down. Man my feet really hurt. Why am I wearing flip-flops? I start doing an awkward shifting thing that might look like dancing. Three, four, five down. Whew, halfway. Still no idea why everyone around me is singing the words. Did I miss the distribution of lyric books? I just can’t believe that these are popular songs. Why is he (the lead singer) yelling so loud? My ears are gonna be destroyed by the sheer volume. I start thinking about how many decibels it takes to destroy your hearing. I want to say that vacuum cleaners are the sneaky hearing killers. Must’ve read that somewhere. Vacuums, lawn mowers, iPods, gunfire, machinery in general…they’re all leading to premature deafness.

Six, seven, eight. I wonder if my friends will notice if I just sneak back to the seats at the far end of the theater. Ooh. I smell weed. Someone clearly didn’t get frisked well. I then spend the next few minutes trying to locate the scent of pot. It’s definitely coming from in front of the ogre, yup, I see some smoke. What balls! Lighting up in the middle of a sardine can of witnesses. My friend turns to me and I plaster that smile on. Hey, what’s up? She comes closer and fiddles with her hair. Oh god. Something just fell into my hand. Spider. I hate spiders. I uncup my hand and let the spider fall to the ground without even looking at it. My friend looks confused like she lost something and she won’t stop fiddling with her hair.  I give her one of my concerned facial shrugs and she points at her ear where there used to be an earplug. I laugh. I guess I know that I didn’t throw a spider on the ground, but an earplug instead. Retrieving it is like picking through a minefield of plastic cups, hair scrunchies, and stickiness. My lip curls up as I hand it back and quickly wipe my hand on my shorts.

Well time’s run out. Bye bye Neon Trees and hello sleepy time. I still haven’t heard either of the songs I know. They walk off stage and I’m glad he never crowd surfed to me. That guy sure could sweat. He changed clothes like four times and he looks like he went swimming in the back every time he returned. I probably look the same so I shouldn’t complain. Encore. Oh yeah. I forgot that happens at concerts. Finally they play not one, but both of the songs that I know. I’m all revved up for when we leave the theater, bouncing around the streets of Providence, completely deaf to normal sounds.

Did I enjoy the concert? Overall yes, but if I’d gone alone I wouldn’t have had half as much fun. Friends make unpleasant things so much more interesting. Would I need to actually learn a few more songs before I went to another concert? Hells yes. No question. Maybe I’ll give it another try sometime, but I’ll damn well wear sneakers and as little clothing as possible to counteract the heat.